A Gentle Guide to Accompany the Dying

I recently lost my mother who was 82 to breast cancer. Although I had been with two other relatives when they died, neither one had had terminal agitation. I had seen my mother hallucinate due to infection and/or drugs while hospitalized in the months before her death, so I was slow in recognizing the symptoms of terminal agitation. She was under hospice care in her own home and there was a "comfort pack" in the refrigerator which contained medication that would have relieved the agitation. I am haunted by the memory of her yelling and picking at things in the air and whirling her arms around in front of her and trying to get out of bed for three days before the hospice nurse came for one of her regular visits and immediately began the medications to relieve the symptoms. I feel guilty that my mother had to go through that in the last days of her life, when I was right there and should have done something to help her. All it would have taken was a phone call for me to report to hospice what was happening. Even now as I sit here thinking about it - I cannot understand why I didn't recognize what was happening and take action. I am hoping that those three days weren't torture for her. Shortly after hospice started the medications and the symptoms subsided, she slipped into a coma and died 5 days later. In hindsight, I wish I had found this website and read this article about terminal agitation before my Mom passed. I'd like to think it would have given me better insight into the dying process and perhaps allowed me to provide better and more timely care for my mother.